What I Don’t Learn From My Parents…I Learn from William and Kate
My friend, a single twentysomething, has a theory. “People date people who ‘feel like home.’”
Her theory is that whatever your home life was growing up, that you tend to date people (albeit subconsciously) that reenact that vibe of ‘home.’
Her parents, for example, had a problem with addictions (alcohol and gambling, more specifically). When dating, my friend is on heightened alert to avoid men who may have any kind of an addictive personality, but (as it always tends to go) it seems that those are the guys she likes the most – despite her better judgment.
I’m not here to explore the validity of her argument. But, generally speaking, it does seem to make sense that subconsciously we mimic the patterns of our role models. Undoubtedly, for most of us, our parents (or step-parents, as often the case may be) were our role models for relationships.
I don’t have very many friends whose parents are still married. With the divorce rate so high (over 50% — meaning, you might as well flip a coin as to whether your marriage will last), and if we accept the argument that ‘we seek relationships that feel like home’ –
Does that then mean we are doomed to repeat our parents mistakes?
It seems so….
This brings me to my next point.
Why care about the royal wedding?
I made it a rule to hide every Facebook post that talked about the royal wedding. I boycotted my usual gossip websites. I didn’t flip through even one US Weekly in the grocery checkout line if there was even a mention of Kate or William. I couldn’t believe that so much money was being spent on this wedding when there is so much need in the world. And the fact that I was barraged with royal wedding details at every turn made me really irritated.
I get it. They are royal and getting married. But seriously, I don’t care to watch or hear anything about this lavishly curated production.
But on the morning of the royal wedding, my friend was visiting from Arizona. While I was making coffee and getting ready for work, she flipped on the replay of the wedding. It the part where Kate walked up to the alter and William whispered to her “you look beautiful.”
And then I realized it. The royal wedding, while lavishly curated, gave the world an opportunity to believe in love again. In my generation, our parental role models are divorced. We date people who are often reminiscent of certain patterns of behavior we witnessed in the home. And, frankly, it is really hard to believe in love.
It is hard to believe that getting married and having a family will ultimately prove to be a happy path of life-long love. But in that moment, when the world watched two young people (who inevitably will face extraordinary challenges throughout their marriage) pledge their lives and love to each other, William and Kate became our new role models.
And I became a little less jaded.
And I think it’s a good thing that we can a have renewed resolve (even if it is for one brief televised wedding moment) to believe that with hard work and compromise (and hopefully a lot of growth, fun, and laughter), we too can live happily ever after.
Thoughts??
6 Responses to “What I Don’t Learn From My Parents…I Learn from William and Kate”
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I definitely see your friend’s point, and I can recognize how that plays out in my own relationship with my wife. I think that it’s not necessarily a bad thing, though. What “feels like home” to me is–in part, anyway–a sense of humor (preferably an odd one), being able to talk on both surface and deep levels, the role our faith plays in our lives, and more. Not only do we get along, I get along well with her family and she with mine, and our in-laws even get along with each other.
Sadly, the divorce rate is extremely high, though there are many things that can be done before marriage and in the early years of marriage (well, all throughout, but especially during those times) that takes the divorce rate from 50%+ down to around 5%. Still, you’re right, many of us don’t have in our parents the role models for what a loving, healthy relationship should look like, and so instances like the royal wedding do serve to remind us. Isn’t that why fairy tales are still so popular? No matter how cynical we like to believe we are, we still desperately want to believe in “… and they lived happily ever after”.
Very thoughtful comment and salient points! Thank you!
I agree! At first I found all of the attention to the royal wedding silly. But then, I thought the same as you – this is the fairy tale that we all want to believe in! It gives hope. And if we’re actually going to reach our dreams, we first have to have some!
Yay for love!
Now all I have to do is find my prince! Too bad Harry isn’t available…
Watching the Wedding on TV was so sweet because you could tell they really, really love each other. I, like you, was not on the whole royal bandwagon at first, but once I saw them look at each other I knew. It is nice to believe that love like that can exist. In a world so full of negativity, I think the royal wedding gave us something pure, positive, and wonderful to believe in.
Agreed!!! Thank you for the great comment!